bed hoppers - swinging in the UK

Just a thought or six

June 16, 2020

One of our great joys in discovering the lifestyle is finding out how incredibly inclusive it can be.

We’ve met many people over the years and many have been kind, considerate and generous. Good people. Our people.

We’ve talked openly of our love for the people in the lifestyle but, as with everything, there are two sides to every coin.

We’ve found that it really does take all sorts. From size, skin tone, socio economic background, jobs, gender, age and more - everyone can take part. And, what’s more, everyone does it differently. 

From voyeurs and exhibitionists to hot wives, cuckolds, same room, separate room and soft swap to full swap - the lifestyle offers an extremely diverse array of approaches.

There are those that like to get to know you before playing, who like the mental aspects and those who need the social aspects and the flirting. There are those who wait in a lay by at the side of a motorway and those that just want to turn up and get down and dirty without ever knowing your name.

What’s more, everyone has an opinion on how you should take part. And, with so many options and pathways and styles, it’s here where things become complex.

We’ve been flat out told that we weren’t swingers by a couple early on in our adventures. All because, at the time, we were soft swap only and didn’t attend orgies. Not cool. Needless to say we didn’t play with them.

Swinging isn’t an exact science. There isn’t one way to do it. There isn’t a Hogwarts School of Swinging and Magical I errrr mean Ethical Non Monogamy. 

There’s a tonne of resources out there - including books, TV shows, podcasts, reddit pages and much, much more. Some are trying to sell you a way of life, some are celebrating a hobby they enjoy, others are trying to make some quick cash and others want you to adopt their way of thinking. Some content producers do it for the power and the notoriety and others for more altruistic reasons.

We believe that it’s important to keep this in mind as you surf the web looking for help, support or entertainment on your lifestyle journey.

We all have ideals and an approach. The great thing is though, with so much content out there - you can often find something that suits your style. Listen, watch or read and if that content doesn’t match with your approach or sit right with you - vote with your feet. Simply don’t partake, download, watch or listen any more. Unfollow them and find something that suits you. 

If you’ve spent any time on Twitter or Reddit you may have seen continual arguments, potshots, disagreements and downright mudslinging between content producers (and the public). This comes right back to the fact that, like everyone else, we are all human. We all have differing views and approaches - and often have an agenda behind the content we produce. 

Take the current Coronavirus situation, for example. With much of the world in lockdown, we know that many are eager to return to clubs and playtimes. 

We’ve heard from some who have continued to play throughout this period. And we know of many who are holding out until things are safe. Some are minimising their risks and dipping their toes in. Then when you factor in their situations, their location, background - it makes understanding their approach infinitely more difficult. But, as with all content producers with a platform, many are becoming increasingly vocal about their own decisions.

Many feel that it’s of vital importance to stand up for the right thing - and use their platform to change hearts and minds. Some choose to remain quiet (drawing debate to yourself when living a secret lifestyle isn’t always the best option). Others believe that remaining quiet is an act of siding with the opposition or that doing nothing is worse than having an opinion.

Of course, debate is healthy. It’s important. But doing so constructively, with good intentions and without discrimination means that we can all engage without fear of causing damage to others.

So, why write about this?

Well, we’ve noticed that tensions are increasing - and it’s not without good cause. Many of us have spent time locked down over the last few months, unable to see friends, family or loved ones. It’s frustrating - not to mention a huge change to the way we live. Livelihoods and lives are on the line.

The Black Lives Matter movement has also increased tensions. From those that want to stamp out racism across the globe, change the way the police work and more - to those that can’t get their heads around the need for such action. In the UK, for example, a small number of protestors have caused damage to property - starting a large anti protestor movement. Whether or not it’s the right thing to do - people have opinions and aren’t shy in putting them out there, throwing more fuel to the conflict.

With all of this tension, conflict and opinion in the air, we felt it was important to take a moment to explore why people do the things the way they do. To remind us all that we are all different - have had different experiences and have our own preferences and styles.

As a community (and we believe that we are all part of that community) we often have all eyes on us and our behaviour. And, in times of trouble, the world needs little excuse to turn on each other.

With this in mind, we think that it’s important to remember to be kind, respectful and be understanding. After all, the person at the other end of your interactions is a real human being.